Thursday, March 22, 2007 @9:59 PM
It slips away
I'm so depressed. It's like I'm staring into space all the time, and sighing heavily, and even talking to my family is depressing. My sister was like talking to me all excited about something and I was just like "Okay." And my mom's shoving our tax returns which I asked her to file early for my financial aid shit in my face, and I was like "Mom, ayoko asikasuhin yan ngayon." in a depressed tone. Dad's still at work. How depressing. Well I don't need his negative energy. It'll depress me even more. He has this way of making me more depressed at times when I'm so depressed already. Then I end up crying. But not in front of him and everyone else.
Today is so fucking depressing. I wanted to go to school tomorrow so I could feel that school's ending, you know. I mean, for good. We're never coming back to that school anymore. It's weird. A few months ago I even wanted to burn that school to the ground, but now I'm so fucking sentimental about all this. I even fucking started to cry when the teachers circled around us to pray for us because I saw some of the teachers I'll miss. And then I really cried when Mrs. A pinned my SHS logo pin. I love her. I'm gonna freaking miss her and softball.
I'm gonna freaking miss SHS. It's hard to admit it, but I will miss that school. I'll miss my friends, I'll miss my class. God, I'm so fucking depressed. I'm gonna cry in graduation, I just know it. My classmates say I'm iyakin na. Whatev. I only cried in school like twice in the past two weeks. The other times (like when I was nervous about not making merit) my eyes were just brimming with tears.
Everything about our graduation is so depressing. Even our Responsorial Psalm ("Lord, it is good to give you thanks") is depressing. Our final song is so fucking beautiful it's depressing. Singing our Alma Mater is depressing. Betsy said way back when that she'd be crying processional pa lang, and I was like "Whatever." Now I know for sure I'm gonna cry while we're singing our depressing mass and grad songs.
Talking about all this is depressing.